- Wait! Wait! Don’t Fuck Me! • Matt Lauer: “Are those things real?” • Garrison Keillor: “Whoa! Begone! • A Roy Moore Fertility Scene • Trump Decompensates • Michael Flynn, Blake Shelton, Kelly Clarkson, Prince Harry, Meghan Markle, Lewis Black, David Letterman, Steve Martin, Martin Short, Amy Schumer, Tom Thakker, Jay Pharoah, Pocahantas, Elizabeth Warren, John Conyers, Nancy Pelosi, Conan O’Brien, Stephen Colbert, Samantha Bee, James Corden, Seth Meyers, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, John Oliver, Stephen Colbert, Trevor Noah, Anthony Atamanuik, Jim Jefferies, Michael Che, Colin Jost, Joy Behar, Robin Thede
- Pun Of The Week • James Corden!
- Fail Of The Week • James Corden!
- Joke Of The Week • John Oliver and Seth Meyers!
- Closing Billboard • David Letterman
0:00 Opening Billboard
2:30 Opening Monologue: Ricky Gervais, So-Called Judge, Road To Impeachment, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Neil Grouch, Nancy Pelosi, Frederick Douglass, Sean Spicer, Malcolm Turnbull, Keith Urban, Nicole Kidman, Regis Philbin, Job Stewart
9:00 Introducing Jimmy Fallon, Trevor Noah, Jimmy Kimmel, Conan O’Brien, Seth Meyers, Stephen Colbert, Bill Maher
13:20 Last Week In Politics: Kristen Stewart, Melania Trump, Finding Dory, Bill Burr, David Boies, @17:00 Neil Gorsuch, Muslim Ban, Tom Brady, Ricky Gervais, Neil Grouch, @25:00 Muslim Ban v. Travel Ban, @29:30 South Park, Matt Stone, Trey Parker, Hasan Minhaj, Hameed Darweesh, @37:00 Trump Appoints Grouch: Melissa McCarthy
43:00 Last Week In Sex: Bill Burr On Steroids, Ken Jeong On Diagnosing Strippers, Orny Adams On Millennials
50:00 Last Week In Entertainment: Kobe Buffalomeat, Orny Adams, Judd Apatow, Leslie Mann
67:00 Pun Of The Week: Seth Meyers
69:00 Fail Of The Week: Conan O’Brien
70:00 Joke Of The Week
71:00 Closing Comments: Essay Reading By Dan Rather
- 0:00 • Opening Billboard
- 3:00 • President-erect Trump: Flag burning? Loss of citizenship?; Nazi saluate? Mute.
- 6:30 • Joke Of The Week In Review
- 7:00 • Introducing: Jimmy Fallon, Conan O’Brien, James Corden, Trevor Noah, and Stephen Colbert!
- 10:00 • Mark’s Monologue • Trump: “I’m just the messenger.”; Resistance v. Engagement; Deja Vu: SNL Sketch Foreshadows Carrier: “And then they played my statement.”; False Narrative: Trump Engages Only On Twitter; Eugene Robinson; Kellyanne Conway; Tomi Lehren
- 26:00 • Breitbart News Crew Punks The Daily Show
- 35:00 • Last Week In Entertainment: Chelsea Handler, Nick Offerman, Sebastian Maniscalco
- 42:00 • Last Week In Politics • Oops! I Did It Again!: The President-erect Unleashed!
- 64:00 • Last Week In Sex: Leslie Jones
- 1:13:00 • Fail Of The Week: Stephen Colbert!
- 1:15:00 • Joke Of The Week: Stephen Colbert!
- 1:17:00 • Closing Monologue: Letter from Harry S. Truman to Bess Wallace, June 22, 1911: “I think one man is just as good as another so long as he’s honest and decent and not a nigger or a Chinaman. Uncle Wills says that the Lord made a white man from dust, a nigger from mud, and then threw what was left and it came down a Chinaman. He does hate Chinese and Japs. So do I. It is race prejudice I guess. But I am strongly of the opinion that negroes ought to be in Arica, yellow men in Asia, and white men in Europe and America.”
- 1:23:00 • Closing Billboard